Single and Married Ladies – Consider This!

Hi Ladies,

It’s been quite a climb through these Partner Factors toward our ideal mate, but here are the two last, but not least, criteria to consider in a good man…

NEGOTIABLE

Pay attention to his attitude toward sharing and compromise. After sealing the marriage vows, when a spouse continues to be overly focused on his or her own needs and preferences, it can signify a self-centered attitude.   If we never stop to consider our mate’s point of view, or their requests or requirements, we cannot maintain a strong union. Negotiation, tolerance and balance are key marital ingredients, and a willingness to accommodate another’s needs or desires is vital in both partners.

The selfish person is a ‘Mine’ person – my things, my way. To them, the word ‘share’ has no real meaning since in their mind it is a synonym for ‘take’. Deep down, this person has a childlike fear that if they share something they will lose it, that the other person will keep it. So, they attempt to hold onto whatever they consider ‘theirs’ no matter the cost. Such an attitude will destroy marital harmony.

Ask yourself if either you or your intended husband possesses a mindset of fearing that the word ‘compromise’ actually means surrender, or lowering your standards, or accepting second best. Tolerance and accommodation within marriage doesn’t involve negotiating on basic Christian principles. Instead it indicates that you recognize the desires of another in order to strengthen and build your relationship with that person. That’s an appropriate viewpoint to expect in a spouse.

PROUD / HAUGHTY

A little pride is a good thing. It makes us work hard at our job, and take good care of our self, our home and our family. It makes us unafraid to witness when we’re proud to be a Believer and eager to tell others about Jesus Christ. It urges us to do our best whatever the tasks we face, and without it most of us just wouldn’t care. But too much pride, like too much of anything, can become a dangerous affliction and an insidious thief. Pride is a “tare” that must be included in our consideration of partnership criteria because excessive, stubborn pride is a sin that lands at the top of God’s “Top Sins List”.

Proverbs 6:16, 17 notes, “These six things the Lord hates, yes, seven are an abomination to Him: a proud look…” and pride comes first on the list of sins that follow. Psalm 10:4, 73:6; Proverbs 11:2, 13:10, 29:23; Isaiah 25:11, 28:1; Jeremiah 48:29; Daniel 4:37, 5:20; Obadiah 3; Mark 7:22; and 1 John 2:16 are only some of the verses that speak of the evil effects of self-aggrandizing pride. God detests this particular sin because it is a manifestation of a spirit of haughtiness. Proverbs 16:18 reminds us that “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling.” Psalm 101:5 states “The one who has a haughty look and a proud heart, him I will not endure.”

A haughty person is arrogant. They credit themselves with the good in their life, not giving honor and glory to God in humility, but ascribing their successes to their own works. They, in effect, become their own false god, and Father God will have no part of such an un-submitted spirit. This prideful, unbending willfulness is not only anathema to the Lord; it makes a person nearly impossible to live with. And there will inevitably be conflicts if it exists in the personality of the man you choose to marry.

As a single Believer who still has the option of marrying well, select a godly mate who is negotiable, giving, and willing to be your champion. Ephesians 5:28, 29 tells us “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church”.   A man who loves and cherishes you as his own flesh will be the best of all companions for the lifelong journey of marriage.

Next week, we’ll move to an essential new topic…Joy and Shalom!

Jo Lynne Pool