Single & Married Ladies – Checklist Him


Hi Ladies.

Our Father intends for you to love and be complemented by the mate He has ordained for you. As your Designer, He knows you BETTER than you know yourself, and He’s created the man who will make you happy.  But you must also do your part.  #3 on the list of 12 Ways to Know He’s Right for You is that your fellow meets most of the Important criteria on your list.  You have a list, right?

The reason for knowing the attributes you’d prefer in a husband, besides making your requests known to God, is so that you become aware of them yourself, and you’ll recognize your blessing when he arrives.

I John 5: 15 says, “And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him.”   The LORD doesn’t NEED us to ask Him, but He tells us to because it makes us more involved in receiving the outcome.

This photo is of my new miracle dining room chairs. Last year, I noticed that my old chairs were wearing out, and made a mental note that I‘d like to have new ones.  But dining chairs are expensive and there was no money for them, so I forgot about it.

Then last week, I received an email about an accessory sale at a model home park I’d only visited once years before. Although no one would go with me, and I wasn’t looking for anything specific, or nor had funds to “waste” on new decor, I kept feeling the urge to visit the 2-day sale.  So I got dressed and went.

After touring 11 of the 12 homes, I’d found nothing of interest. Then in the last house, there sat the most beautiful dining chairs ever! I admired them longingly, and reluctantly ventured a look at the price tag… “Set of 4 chairs – $4,696.00”!

Resigned but not surprised since furniture wasn’t on sale, I moved on to tour the rest of the house. But I was drawn back to those chairs.  It was then I saw another price scrawled lightly in red beneath the big black original price…”4 chairs – $470.00”!

After recovering from shock, I realized The LORD’s Hand and ran to grab a sales person to purchase them! When I returned the next day to double-check if there was anything I’d missed, no other item was being offered at such a drastic discount!

“What does this have to do with my future husband”, you ask? The factors that influence God’s blessings are similar, no matter the nature of our requests.

#1 – Desire. New chairs were something I truly wanted.  A husband is something you must actually want.  God hears you even when it’s only a passing, casual request.

#2 – Know What You Like. I knew the style, fabric type and look I wanted.  But Our Father understood my heart’s desire, and Perfection is what He is!  On my own, I would never have found such ideal chairs.  And on your own, you will never find your perfect mate.  Only He knows exactly what you need, and how to get him to you.

#3 – Patience.  Although dining chairs were a desire, I was also satisfied with what I had, and would never have rushed out seeking new ones.  I dropped it completely, but The LORD didn’t, and He led me to the right place, the right time, the perfect chairs, at an amazing price, when I least expected it!  Only Our Father can do this!  Never doubt that He has heard your husband prayers…it’s now upon you to wait on Him.  Don’t fret or worry… let it go and “Let God”.

#4 – Obedience. When Christ imparted the urge to move, I didn’t talk myself out of it.  My response wasn’t “Lord, why should I drive all the way over there when there’s nothing I’m going to buy?” I felt the tug in my Spirit, got up and obeyed.  And His miracle was waiting.

Hopefully you’re encouraged to consider your specific desires in a spouse. Ask God, then move on.  He is in complete control, and He will answer you!

Until next week…Joy and Shalom!

Single & Married Ladies – Is He Right for You?


Hi Ladies,

The man we’re discussing now may be tempting if you’re single, and problematic if you’re married to him. #2 on the list of 12 Ways to Know He’s Right for You is that “He is saved”.  And this guy is not.

I’m sure you already know that God in the Bible has a strong opinion on this subject. If you’re a Believer, the man you marry must also be a Believer, a follower of Jesus Christ, who has experienced salvation through the Blood of the Lamb on Calvary’s cross!  He cannot simply be a pew sitter in the church house, unless of course you are…in that case, you may proceed!

And yes, I’m going to drag this often-quoted verse out because it’s in Scripture for good reason:

2 Corinthians 6: 14-16: “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness?  And what communion has light with darkness?  And what accord has Christ with Belial?  Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?  And what agreement has the temple of God with idols?  For you are the temple of the living God.”

Despite the way you may feel sometimes, these verses and similar others aren’t intended as a ploy to limit your husband options.  There are many Christian ladies who‘ve travelled this road before.  They’ve made the mistake of marrying this fellow, and can confirm that Our Father knows best!

Hiding in the Flock

Sometimes we can be misled because there are many wolves mixed in among God’s flock of Believers. They may have membership in a church, and get dressed up every Sunday to attend services, but it’s a façade.

In earlier blogs we’ve analyzed God’s order for courtship. The correct progression is:  #1 – Establish oneness of Spirit;  #2 – Build oneness of Soul;  #3 – Experience and enjoy oneness of Body after marriage.  The most important of these connections is the spiritual, which will allow you to know if you two are equally matched.  And you‘ll also recognize if your fellow is merely a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

But we ladies often experience uncertainty when these fellows show up. They can look good on the surface and may appear to be the answer to our prayers, but they bring serious issues. Primary among these issues is the urge to question God’s intention, to doubt His Word, or to walk away from His promises.

The vital question to consider is “To whom does he listen and submit?” When a man is about to assume the crucial role of being your wedded mate for life, only one who is a Believer will receive his directions from Christ Himself.  Only such a man can be trusted, in turn, to be a reliable leader for you and your family.

Unfortunately, interesting and interested non-believers may be all around you, and they can seem to be far more available than the scare-as-hens’ teeth Christian guys.

So what’s the big deal?   We were all unsaved at some point in our lives, and God transformed us into His Own.  Why can’t we just take a nice unbeliever and get him saved?  But that’s not our decision to make – its’ God’s.

The woman entertaining this question has high hopes that Our Father will work everything out on her behalf. She wants Him to give His approval to the mate she has chosen, convert him, and make her choice alright in the end.  But as I Corinthians 7: 16 questions, “For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband?…”

God has given no guarantee of this man’s future salvation. Yet she will be entering into a binding covenant with a person who receives no direction from The Creator to whom she has submitted her life.  Although she’ll retain God’s compassion and love, by her own willfulness and disobedience, she may have circumvented the marital blessing that He purposed for her.

It’s essential to stop and pray before allowing yourself to be tempted by doubt and unbelief into settling for less than Our LORD’s best choice for you.

#3 next week… Joy and Shalom!

Single & Married Ladies – ABOUT MEN


Hi Ladies,

So it’s all about the men, right? Based on FaceBook stats, by far the most responses to my blog posts have been when I’ve discussed fellows, what they’re like, what they like, and what God says about them.  That’s fine with me since I’ve written a book on the subject!

A GOOD MAN IS HARD TO FIND…Unless You Ask God to Be Head of Your Search Committee, is all about men.  Over 60,000 people have bought the book since Thomas Nelson first published it.  It is filled with insights from the Bible on the topic of godly and not-so-godly men, and it’s still relevant because Our Father has never changed His Word.  My new book, LOVE IN THE BOOK 2 – The Partner Guide is also about God’s guys.

After 35 posts, I’d like to connect more directly with the interests and concerns of my readers, who are primarily single and married ladies. Because my intention is to serve your needs, the blog will refocus on men, and how to both establish and maintain strong godly marriages with them.

12 Ways to Know He’s Right for You

This topic will be explored in detail in upcoming posts, but a one page quick checklist will be emailed to everyone who signs up for the Love in the Book blog posts.  Other materials are also being developed which will be sent at no cost to subscribers to the blog, as God directs.  My commitment is to honestly address your relationship questions in a way that no one else has.  And to hear from you about them!

#1 – He Found You. “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from The LORD.” – Proverbs 18: 22

“Find” is the most important word in this scriptural observation. A wife is not only a good thing…she is a God thing!  She’s a gift to her husband from The LORD, and the right woman is a treasure that men eagerly search for, and are both happy and blessed when they find her.  And Our Father has implanted hunter instincts within His men that make them willing to make the effort to seek her out.

But even in this day of aggressively seductive females, most fellows are somewhat disconcerted when a woman throws herself at them. They may be delighted to have her do the work for them, but secretly she has lessened her value in their eyes.

Yes, it may be “old-fashioned”, but we ladies must learn to value ourselves as much as God does. Who do you think determines your value?  Do other people decide for you that you are priceless or worthless, and you must live your life according to their valuation?  The answer is emphatically No!

As a Woman of Faith you are a treasure from Almighty God, and no other person establishes your value except you. You are free to declare your worth, and the opinions of others are worthless.  You can chose to accept them if they treat you with esteem, or reject their opinions entirely if they denigrate you.

The good news is that others, especially male others, will accept the worth that you place upon yourself, whether high, low, or in-between, and they will act accordingly. After all, who would know better than you?

Proverbs 31: 10 observes “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.”  That is a high value indeed since, in biblical days, rubies were extremely rare and the most highly sought of gemstones, even above diamonds.  A good wife, who is first of all a good woman, is essentially priceless to the man who finds her.  And there’s that word again – you won’t need to track your man down… he’ll do the work to find you!

So, #1 on the list is that he chose you as his special lady!

More to come on our “Right for You?” list…Joy and Shalom!

NOTE: If you’re already getting the blog from the earlier form, which didn’t keep records, please sign up on the new pop-up if you’d like to receive the additional materials.  Also NOTE:   The pop-up form only appears once, when you first open the blog, so please accept it when it shows up…it won’t return to harass you.  Thanks!

3 Step to Reaching Your Vision

20160805_130054-2Hi Ladies,

I’m giving up! This is hopeless! I quit!

Does this reflect your current attitude as you strive toward the Vision God has given you? Well, that’s exactly the response that He wants you to have!

The vision process outlined here is from Dr. Robert Heidler of Glory of Zion. It’s essential to understand it in order to know what you’re going through as you await the completion of your Vision, whether for a spouse, a career, a ministry or whatever Our Father has placed upon your heart.


What happens when we step out in faith to achieve a Divine Vision?

#1  RECEIVE THE VISION:   If we prayerfully seek Our Father’s direction in any area, He will reveal it, because we’re an integral part of His Body. When His answer comes, whether as a small voice in the still of night, or in a revelatory flash of blinding clarity, we must then fully embrace it.

The urge to accomplish a specific task or goal for the benefit of others indicates the core of our personal Vision. Most of us will accept the revelation as answered prayer, and eagerly commit to taking the necessary steps to strive toward it, certain that God has already placed a plan within us to achieve it.

#2  DECLINE OF THE VISION:   The next step, from the peak of receiving a Vision, is downhill. At first we will be enthusiastic and excited about our new undertaking, and may remain on that mountaintop for a good while. We’re confident that we will soon make significant progress toward reaching our objective, and that our efforts will make a difference.

But God will, usually over a period of time, allow that initial Vision to recede. As weeks or months pass with fewer accomplishments than we’d anticipated, we start to feel that time is running out, and begin to doubt ever seeing it actually manifested.

This necessary step removes our ego from the process. God always requires that we put our faith into action, but often in the excitement of rushing headlong toward His plan, we try to move ahead in our own strength.  We may exalt His Vision as being our very own, to be achieved by us solely through our deeds and efforts.

When we begin to falter, when our plans don’t work out, and we only seem to be wasting our time, we may waver in our commitment. The flesh is weak and tends to retreat in the face of adversity, yet adversity is what we’ll confront as we work toward the realization of a God-given dream.

With problems, delays, or unforeseen trials, the enemy will seek to entrap and derail us, while The LORD is testing and strengthening us. As I Peter 5: 10 reassures, “But, may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.”   Difficulties will confront us along the way, but Our Father has a purpose for them.  When we doubt that we can climb back up, when we struggle and the Vision grows dormant within us, then stage three can begin.

# 3.  REVIVAL OF THE VISION:  In this most significant phase, God Himself moves to supernaturally bring it to pass. In our own strength, we will fail, and it becomes clear that His is the Power, working through us, that enables the Vision to manifest.We can no longer claim credit, and The LORD receives the glory when we reach the fulfillment of the Dream He has birthed within us. Then the process starts all over again because there are always more goals to achieve, and God has need of us.

Have you determined which stage you’re in with your Vision? If its stage two, don’t despair – your help is on the way! Next week, we’ll look at how some of God’s Women of Faith exemplified this process… Joy and Shalom!

HI ALL: I’m still new to blogging, and I just learned that my signup form has only been sporadically operating!  The LORD has sent technical help, and with this new automated form you’ll definitely receive the posts.  Please sign up!  And email me at if you don’t get them. Thanks!

Wait Time


Hi Ladies,

Seedtime and Harvest”…this is the KJV version of Genesis 8: 22.  However, another interpretation of this process is “Seed, Time, and Harvest”.  There is a time to plant, and a time of allowing that seed to take root and flourish, followed by a time to harvest and reap the rewards.  This is the process of awaiting the results of warfare prayers, and for the arrival of your ordained mate.

But as time passes, many questions will arise, which must be openly addressed, thoughtfully considered, and properly resolved. With crystal clarity on God’s answers, they won’t return to plague your thoughts again.  But when left vague or open ended, the enemy will use such questions to torment you with indecision and wavering.  So let’s begin with one of the most prevalent queries from God’s single ladies:


Why Must I Wait?   That’s All I’m Doing Anyway…!

“Wait” is a word that people tend to dislike. For many Believers, Our Father’s sovereign timing may be perceived as an obstacle with little discernible justification.  It can seem to be an arbitrary edict designed primarily to hamper us from moving forward.

So we start to wonder why God’s taking so long, and what we can do about it, and we may even step out to jumpstart the process ourselves. But as you know, waiting is generally required in our walk with Christ, and that‘s certainly true of marriage.

This urge to act can occur in any area of our lives, not only with relationships. It’s normal to experience impatience when we can visualize our ultimate goal, whether it’s a wedding, or a great career, or a dynamic ministry.  We’d much prefer to get there immediately.

A common but accurate analogy is that of standing on a mountaintop, and gazing across at the next mountain that we’d like to reach. We would love to simply stride over onto it in one giant step, but that’s not possible in either the physical or the spiritual worlds.  Instead, the way to our next mountaintop winds downhill, across valleys and bogs or dry deserts, then uphill again in order to reach that next peak.  We must take the time to follow the necessary road, step by individual step, to reach our goals.

The good news is that our pathway has been established by Father God Himself.   And despite there being no quick fixes, if we stay on the path that He has set for us, we will get there.  Meanwhile, there is much required of us along the way.  Marriage is never The LORD’s ultimate aim for our life.  There are other more important tasks for us to accomplish as we follow Him, and as we do so, our focus and priorities will shift from anxiously awaiting a spouse, to obeying the Will of God.



Waiting for the answer to our prayers for a specific goal is far easier when we have attained a Vision of what our life is truly about.  We have a purpose when we know the reason for our being here, and how we fit into The LORD’s plans for His Body.  We are not simply to idle around on hold, conducting a countdown of hours, days, months or years until our personal prayers are fulfilled.

Our lives have meaning not only to us and to Our Heavenly Father, but also to those around us.  We’re here to be a blessing to the world, and our Vision will encompass the tasks that we are to accomplish during our time alive on Earth.  It is The LORD’s very own ‘Mission Plan’, purposed for each of us individually, and He waits patiently for us to claim and embrace it.

What is a ‘Vision’?  It is simply God’s directive to us.  It is a purpose, a goal, a method by which He can work through our lives and our actions to advance His Kingdom.  His Vision unlocks our Divine Destiny, and gives us a larger, more unselfish motivation for our ambitions, our prayers, and our activities.

We’ll discuss the Stages of God’s Vision process next week.  Until then, Joy and Shalom!

Rules of Engagement


Hi Ladies,

Here are the remaining “Rules of Engagement” for warfare prayers for your mate-to-be. They will help smooth the pathway for your answer.

#3 – Pray in the Name of Jesus. The demonic forces we confront when we intercede against the adversary do not recognize us as being threats, nor as being capable of defeating them, because in our own strength we are not.

The only Authority and the only Name they acknowledge is the name of JESUS CHRIST, the NAME above all names, KING of kings, and LORD of lords. No other name has this power, and certainly not ours. The simplest way to establish in Whose name we’re praying is to actually use the words, “in the Name of Jesus Christ” in our warfare prayers…then neither we nor the devil will mistake Who is doing the commanding.

Matthew 28: 18 – “Then Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, ‘All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth.”

Luke 10: 17 – “Lord, even the demons are subject to us in Your name.”

#4 – Never pray against another person. It is essential to understand that in warfare prayer, we’re not coming against individuals, but are doing battle in the heavens against rulers of darkness and wickedness, and against spiritual principalities. Concentrate on the actual enemy, not on people who may be acting negatively toward you, or those whom you may perceive as behaving poorly toward your future spouse.

When you are interceding on behalf of a mate in the physical realm, you must confront the forces that seek to hinder him in the spirit realm, for as Ephesians 6: 12 cautions, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual wickedness in the heavenly places.” Other people are not the enemy; the spirits which reside in and control them are.

#5 – Expect a battle. Nothing about warfare is ever without conflicts, and if there were no skirmishes, it wouldn’t be war. When you begin the processes of binding, loosing and intercession, often people and situations may seem to go badly or will turn against you unexpectedly.These adversities may appear unrelated to what you are praying about, but actually can be directly linked. The strategy of Satan will be to distract you from the warfare you’re engaging in, so that you will falter in the attempt, or become so distressed that you’ll abandon it entirely.

For example, if the man you’re praying for is already known to you, he may suddenly act differently, perhaps becoming distant or seeming uninterested. Don’t allow yourself to become discouraged from interceding on his behalf, but keep in mind that God has the matter ultimately in His Own hands.

Your purpose, as the scripture in Ezekiel 6: 12 states, is to stand in the gap, and ask God to meet his needs, not to pray yourself into this man’s life. Never let your motives become double-minded because neither God nor the devil will be fooled.  And no matter how fervent your prayers, Our LORD will never overrule the man’s own desires on your behalf.

Exercising godly wisdom and discernment is required. defines Discernment as “acuteness of judgment, and understanding”.  It is the ability to know the differences between opposites, and what makes one choice right and another wrong.  In spiritual matters, discernment is critical. Unless we are able to distinguish between impulses that are from God versus those from the devil, we can easily become confused, with detrimental results.

Ezekiel 44: 23 – “…teach My people the difference between the holy and the unholy and cause them to discern between the unclean and the clean.”

I Corinthians 2: 14 – “But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him:  neither can he know them for they are spiritually discerned.”

Discernment shows us who we are fighting against, and his strategies against us. And it will render the adversary’s weapons useless. Until next week… Joy and Shalom!

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5 Rules of Warfare


Hi Ladies,

I experienced the effectiveness of binding, loosing and intercession when my husband-to-be arrived less than six months after I began praying on his behalf. God guided me in properly utilizing this spiritual weapon, and clarified that there are rules for our warfare prayers for us to understand and abide by, just as with any other form of combat:


#1 – Warfare prayers are a private matter. When God has placed it upon your heart to intercede for a person, you are not confronting that person but are dealing with the enemy instead. This concerns only you, God, and the devil.

Never announce, boast, or otherwise notify anyone, especially the man, that you are praying for him. If your future mate is unknown to you, this is easy. But if you know him, please stay silent unless he has publically acknowledged a need and has requested prayers.

Otherwise, if you serve notice that a man has become your personal prayer project, your announcement may backfire. Your effectiveness as a prayer warrior will be lessened, and a potential relationship may even be hindered from properly developing.

Why? …Because you will be attempting to take matters into your own hands, rather than allowing God to do His work.

When you open your mouth to voice your plans, you give Satan the opportunity to turn your words and motives around and to plant negative thoughts against you. Most men fail to comprehend exactly why you want to war on their behalf, and are likely to react suspiciously to your intentions, however good they may be.

Place your trust in The LORD and in His promises, and leave the outcome to Him. Honor God by holding your peace, and as Philippians 4: 6, 7 advises, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” And I add that, in conjunction with your purity of motives, He will also guard your tongue.

#2 – Warfare prayer is not pleading. Beseeching God for the answer to our prayers is not warfare. Warring in the spirit assumes that Our Father has already heard our request, knows our heart, and has sent the answer. In warfare, we’re not to waste time continually tugging at Our LORD. Instead, we seek to engage the adversary, not to bombard Heaven.

This is an entirely different prayer motivation. It accepts that our Sovereign LORD is fully aware of our desires, and that the goal is now to defeat the forces of evil that may be restraining or detaining the answer. See Daniel 10: 12, 13… God’s response to Daniel’s request had been dispatched on the day he prayed, but the angel delivering the message encountered demonic resistance and was delayed for twenty one days.

When you commence binding, loosing and intercession, you accept that the Vision that God has given you concerning your future marital partner is true, so constantly praying for it to happen is unnecessary. You’re operating within the boundaries of His Grace and His revealed Will, so are empowered take a proactive stance against powers, principalities and spiritual wickedness (Ephesians 6: 12).

Seek to combat the traps that have been specifically crafted to steal, to kill and to destroy your ordained spouse. Intercede against those, with the spiritual authority you’ve been given in Christ Jesus.

Warfare prayers are based upon a foundation of Trust, not in man but in Almighty God. When we totally trust Our FATHER, we know that we can depend upon Him to meet all our needs.  And we understand that the desire in our heart for a mate has been placed there by Our Sovereign LORD Himself. So utilize the Sword of the Spirit He’s given you, your warfare weapon.

FYI, this Hebraic month, Elul, means “The King is in the field”, out from His palace and down among the people, ready to address their requests. …That’s why the pictured sword is in grass, not lying upon stone.  You’ve got special access!

More warfare rules next week…Joy and Shalom!