red-flag

Hi Ladies,

The SAVED – BUT man we’re evaluating now is surrounded by red flag warnings in the Bible, and Holy Spirit Himself is likely sending constant messages to you to beware if you’re involved with him in any way. You must clearly hear the Lord before you walk into a lifetime of marriage.

The Jealous Man:

This fellow may be a Believer, but he has a distorted mindset that makes him the worst of all controllers. He’s the one who will swear on his Bible that all he’s trying to do is to love his lady, that he needs her and cares for her more than anything else in the world. He’ll tell himself that he’s only trying to protect her from herself and from others, and that she just doesn’t recognize the rampant dangers surrounding her.

Or he may be so insecure that he needs no justification for his feelings. He reads negative motives into her every movement, and tries to monitor them all, while actively making her life miserable under the guise of ‘love’. This guy is afflicted by a lack of trust, and a desperate desire to see into his lady’s thought processes. But since he doesn’t have access to them, he has to settle for tracking her activities, or her eyes, or anything else that may give an indication of the reality of his worst fear, that she is not truly his.

In extreme versions of this man’s world, there is no such thing as an ‘innocent’ interaction between his wife and another male. As a Christian, he probably understands that this is wrong, but it’s a major struggle to prevent demonic thoughts from entering and dictating his actions. He must fight a real battle to control himself, instead of trying to control his spouse.

You may initially feel flattered by his attentions, mistakenly believing that he cares deeply for you, but jealousy is not a trait to regard lightly. His obsessive behavior has nothing to do with actually loving ‘his’ woman but is much more about wanting to dominate her life. Proverbs 27:4 warns that “Wrath is fierce, and anger is a flood, but who can stand before jealousy?” There is a type of man who would rather see a woman dead than in the arms of someone else, or who simply will not accept rejection of any kind, either real or imagined. We see the results of their version of control every day on news reports. Many a woman has been injured or killed by a jealous, vengeful man because she attempted to distance herself from him, even if only for a short time.

If you see signs that a guy you’re interested in may possess a jealous nature, be prayerfully wary. Even if he’s born-again, the possibility always exists that he may succumb to evil impulses, allowing them to resurface even after experiencing salvation. You must be vigilant, sensitive to Holy Spirit, and quick to obey His voice in any interaction with a jealous man, since even a casual friendship with such a fellow can morph into a situation.

Always keep your eyes open and your senses attuned to what the Lord is revealing about men, especially one you’d like to marry. If there’s a flashing yellow light in your mind, or a voice whispering “Don’t”, pay attention! His status as a Believer does not mean you can dismiss warnings.

Exercise the discernment that Father has given you and let Him control the outcome. Interactions between men and women are far too important, and the consequences are too great, to even consider ignoring the directives of God. Never allow yourself to get anxious or confused, or to abandon hesitation and jump into a relationship. Philippians 4:6 offers the wisdom “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” As always, this is sound advice.

The Controlling Man, the Angry/Abusive Man, and the Jealous Man are only three of the SAVED – BUT traits that God warns a woman to be careful about marrying. We’ll investigate another one next week.

Joy and Shalom!

Jo Lynne Pool