Road

Hi Ladies,

We’ve discussed two patterns to examine before proclaiming our readiness for marriage…the “Spirit of Condemnation” and our attitude about “Motherhood.”  Let’s continue with more viewpoints to consider…

Fatherhood:

Having been a single mother, I understand the challenges we ladies face when rearing young ones alone.  But single moms err greatly in telling our youngsters that we’ll be both “mother and father” to them.  As their mother, we should strive to be the best mom we can be, but our children must know they’re the product of two parents, and that we cannot be both.

The absence of an earthly dad doesn’t change the fact that God Himself is their Father.  He supplies the covering, care and protection that a physical father would be designated to provide, and Philippians 4:19 assures – “And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”  But when we claim to be both mother and father, we create confusion.  We unwittingly usurp the role of Jesus in their lives; unintentionally denigrate the importance of men; set up false expectations that we’ll fulfill both roles; and place burdens and potential resentments upon ourselves.

Rather than trying to be a father to your children, strive instead to bring positive male influences into their lives to expose them to the ways and thinking of a genuine, and, ideally, saved man.  Father, brothers, uncles, and family friends should be encouraged to spend time with them, and certainly their birth father, if possible.  Church programs, scouting, sports and community activities are all available to meet the need for male role models in the lives of boys and girls.

With careful evaluation, even in our suspicious, litigious, and sexually disturbed age, if we prayerfully seek them, men can be found who’ll be valuable assets to your youngsters.  Allow the Lord to deliver these good guys and be willing to accept them as the gifts they are.  Even a “supermom” will never be a man, and masculine presences enhance and balance the lives of children.

Altered Memories:

“Soul ties” may be active in your life, influencing your interactions with men, and impacting a future marriage.  They can become chains binding you to the past, hampering your destiny and joy.  And they must be broken in order to receive the gifts that Father intends for you now.  So, what signs indicate the presence of this destroyer?

Emotional obsessions are a key indicator.  Are you captivated by visions of a former relationship, recalling with fondness how perfect the fellow was, or how the road you took could or should have been different?   Instead of creating images of how wonderful life might have been “if only”, such deceptions must be discarded because no matter how compelling the recollections, a failed relationship was, by definition, not flawless.

Clinging to the past or to false regrets only holds us bound there.  When no other man will ever be as good as the one we “lost”, or we feel we’ve “missed out” on our only chance for happiness, we don’t give ourselves permission to move on.  But the truth is that without the haze of forgetfulness, or the veneer of idealized and selective memory, we’re freed to recognize when a particular guy was actually unsuitable.

Many factors cause human interactions to be terminated, and not all are negative.  Sometimes it’s really nobody’s fault that a relationship ended…it ceased simply because it had to, in God’s sovereign will.  But by becoming overwhelmed with daydreams about the stellar qualities of a certain guy, we allow the enemy to convince us that what the Lord ordained was wrong.  And the real question is why would we choose to believe the lie?

Such a revisionist attitude, with inaccurate altered “memories”, evinces the psychological linkage of a soul tie.   Every male with a sexual connection to us leaves a residue of himself within us.  Similarly, those with whom we’ve become emotionally intimate leave ties to our emotions.  Eliminating these past connections is essential to become free of useless links that can clog our mind and spirit.

More next week…Joy and Shalom!

Jo Lynne Pool