Single & Married Ladies – More Consequences!

Hi Ladies,

The negative effects of premarital sex upon a subsequent marriage are subtle but very real, beginning with the initial compromising of a woman’s stance of godliness. Regardless if her virginity was involved, the now wife may have spent months or years wondering if the man she was bedding and giving her all to was ever going to marry her. She couldn’t be certain if he truly loved her, or if all he really wanted was sex.

Such distrust breeds resentment and isn’t lightly dismissed. It doesn’t simply evaporate when he finally places a ring on her finger. Unless his behavior remains exemplary after they marry, that seed of doubt and mistrust can resurface.

The Anti-Intimacy Effect:

An unanticipated result of premature sexual activity is that it can short-circuit true intimacy. In our Father’s Spirit/Soul/Body positioning, the closeness, the oneness, the unity which develops between a man and woman will proceed in that sanctioned order, and they will be properly bound together. How does this process work?

SPIRIT:   A couple’s initial oneness is intended to be explored during “courtship”. This is when the two people examine and confirm their mutual commitment to Jesus Christ. Without this spiritual unity they are unequally yoked and cannot live or work harmoniously together. This oneness is the most crucial of all, without which no life partnership should be considered.

SOUL:   Next is oneness of soul, also beginning in courtship. The couple enjoys a uniting of their minds, wills and emotions. True friendship bonds them, followed by love. This unity allows them to trust one another and to understand how the other person thinks.

As their commitment deepens, God will begin to reveal traits, quirks, and differences. As new facets of their personalities are uncovered, they learn tolerance and acceptance, and the facades are shed. This is the phase where strong emotional intimacy develops and is the foundation for their life partnership. It is the friendship that deepens into love and binds them together, and along with oneness of spirit, is the rock upon which they will stand to weather future storms.

BODY:   The final oneness for a strong marriage is physical. When the covenant pledge that consecrates their union as husband and wife before God and man has been sealed, this last linkage is celebrated.

Our Father does not regard this activity lightly. 1 Corinthians 6:16 describes how a man must be careful not to become one with a harlot “For the two shall become one flesh.” The act of physically joining seals the covenant between a man and woman like the blood covenant vows sworn by the Israelites. Passionate intimacy with its sharing of bodily fluids mirrors the pact of that oath. In it the two participants slashed their palms and rubbed the cuts together, mingling their blood as one. So too is the mingling, the oneness of flesh between husband and wife in the marriage bed.

The union of a sexual relationship after marriage is joyous, and free of constraints, an expression of desire they can share with God’s blessing. It is His wedding gift, a precious treasure in a marriage between Believers. But joy in this gift suffers when the couple has violated God’s order.

Instead of being a delightful discovery, and confirmation of their unique togetherness and love, for the prematurely sexually active couple, married sex merely becomes more of the same. Its’ pleasures and ability to bond them are already waning. Instead of a beginning upon which their love can build, it is no longer truly special.

In premarital sex, the physical interaction clouds the relationship, providing intimacy on a one-dimensional level. The pair can become so enamored physically that they fail to explore or simply ignore their compatibility on a spiritual or emotional level. After marrying, they will then begin this journey of discovery in the upside-down position of Body/Soul/Spirit. Often they’re startled by how many ‘flaws’ they never noticed before will suddenly crop up. These traits and quirks were there all along, but in the turmoil of sex, were either overlooked or ignored as irrelevant in the face of an “overwhelming” passion.

Continuing next week…Joy and Shalom!

Jo Lynne Pool