Love birds

Hi Ladies,

There are other characteristics that God plans for your spouse to possess, aside from being your Covenant Partner. They reveal the type of man that our Father wants you to invest your time and prayers in. He intends your future husband to be far more than your lover or “soul mate”. He’s also called to be your…

COMMITTED PARTNER

Commitment goes much further than the wedding vow to “forsake all others”. It requires commitment to keep a marriage together, and it’s the factor that lasts after the starry-eyed lust, so often confused with “love”, has dissipated. Commitment is the true nature of love, not romance, because real love does not rest upon human affection. Affection is a fleeting emotion, but love is established by making a binding pledge to the other person, then following through with words, attitudes, and actions. But the commitment must be there first.

The dictionary.com definition for the root word “Commit” is, “To pledge oneself to a position; to bind or obligate; to entrust, especially for safekeeping.” When we commit our self in marriage to another person, we entrust them with our heart, our wellbeing and every facet of our love. And we accept those same accountabilities toward them.

If we say that love is lacking in a relationship, we’re actually saying that the commitment, the will to love, is absent. Understanding this helps us to better realize that, within the bounds of matrimony, love can be restored when the commitment is there. Real love is not a vapor that evaporates, never to be retrieved, but is instead a decision, an act of faith and will, and is the highest product of one’s thought processes.

Colossians 3:14 advises us “Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.” Notice the words “put on” in this verse – they indicate that love is a decision, and it can be put on or taken off, as one chooses. Love is not a factor that we are powerless to control. Instead it is an attitude which determines the actions that we take, and the choices that we build upon and stand by.

The man you choose to marry must also understand and accept this concept as clearly as you do. He should be a man who will commit to being your partner in life, no matter what. Romance, enthusiasm and desire are positive emotions in courtship, and they will be even more enjoyable within a godly marriage. But these pleasant experiences are intended to enhance your relationship, not to form the sole basis for them.

By making commitment a priority, you can more clearly see past the haze of emotions and say no to the fellow who demonstrates only a surface attraction to you. You can detect and decline the attentions of the man who cannot accept the “real” you, or the guy who seriously announces that “You must never change because you are perfect just the way you are”. Changes are inevitable, and no one will stay exactly the same, either physically or mentally.

You will avoid the one who doesn’t like to see you without makeup or with undone hair, or who insists that you must not gain weight because he “doesn’t like big women”. Or who hoists “his” woman up onto a pedestal from which the only way to move is downward in his estimation. Or the guy who wants to dress you up like his fantasy ideal, or who seeks a “saint” or an “angel” instead of a real person.

You can detect the man who will be at a loss for what to do with you after the passion season has ebbed, when the household has become home to noisy youngsters, and chores waiting to be done. You will recognize the fellow with wrong priorities, or the one who instead regards himself as flawless, spotless, and wrinkle-free. And with this godly awareness, you can allow these guys to move off along their own ordained life paths.

Next week we’ll cover another “Partner Factor”, those guidepost roles that God ordains your husband to fulfill. Joy and Shalom!

Jo Lynne Pool