Single & Married Ladies – Second? Third?

Hi Ladies,

We’ve discuss some of the men who may come into your life as you seek God’s answer for your potential mate. These are fellows you might not have considered as husband material, but when our Father opens your eyes to possibilities, you may begin to view them with increased interest. If he’s genuinely saved, a man in these categories can make a perfectly fine spouse, if the Lord has mandated him for you. His lifestyle situation is no barrier to forming a new happy marriage. Now let’s look at one of the most prevalent of this group of newly desirables…

The Divorced Man:

Although we all marry with the idea that our union will be strong and enduring, matrimony is not an easy commitment to uphold. Nowadays, the fact of divorce is so commonplace that its presence in a man’s background generally isn’t considered to be a real flaw. It is just as apt to be part of the woman’s history as well. Although it’s regrettable to have lived through the broken heartedness and torn relationships that accompany a failed marital union, this circumstance doesn’t hinder people from moving ahead into a godly marriage.

The concern here is how many divorces and how many offspring are involved. It is entirely possible that he’s lugging around the remnants of not just one previous relationship, but two or three, complete with vocal ex-wives and multiple youngsters to be provided for. Child support and possible alimony will be draining the finances of the newly formed couple for years to come. Alternatively, he may be dodging both the courts and his former family, a sign of even bigger impending trouble.

Your marriage will confront challenges that cannot be wished away or ignored, nor which will simply disappear. You must expect and accept that the people from your husband’s past, especially the children, will always be a factor in your married life. The realities of his earlier choices, and possibly yours, means there will be circumstances that arise, expenses required, and expectations to be met, whether you’re in direct contact with them or not. Their existence is a reality, a living aftermath of divorce.

The processes of forming a blended family may also require consideration. The Lord can successfully meld together diverse family units when both partners are Believers, but only His participation and intervention will salvage many of the situation that may arise. And, there is also the essential question of why his earlier marriage(s) failed in the first place. Or, as often happens these days, another query may well be why he never married the woman (women) who bore his children. Those reasons could be vital to the success of a new union.

Discernment is always required when considering marriage, but especially in the aftermath of divorce. Dictionary.com defines “Discernment” as “acuteness of judgment and understanding.” It is the ability to recognize what makes one choice right and another wrong, and it is critical in the marital decision. You must be able to discern your true motivations for wanting to marry.

Needing money is not a good reason. Seeking someone to help raise kids from a previous relationship is not the right motive. Nor is rebounding or revenge. Or are you primarily interested in bearing children, and a husband is a necessary means to that end?   Possibly you simply look forward to no longer sleeping in an empty bed, or the stresses of celibacy have grown burdensome.   These might all be motivating factors for marriage, but not necessarily good ones.

As a confident single lady, in tune with God Almighty, and ready to step into His ordained relationship, you don’t require a fellow for validation of your worth…you already know it. Instead you may treasure him for reasons of the heart…for love, companionship and friendship.   But whatever your deepest incentives for desiring marriage, they will be compelling factors in your decision-making process, so prayerfully seek to understand them.

Bottomline, if your man is God’s chosen partner, regardless of divorce or any extraneous circumstances, he will be the right man for you. Father’s Will is the deciding factor!

Until next week…Joy and Shalom!

Jo Lynne Pool