facebook_15018894482531

Hi Ladies,

            The unsaved man that God specifically warns against is far from being the only type of troublesome male you might encounter while awaiting Father’s predestined mate. There are plenty of fellows around who would be problematic marriage material, and if you’re listening to Holy Spirit you’ll recognize most of them.

But what if you’re just not certain anymore?   Increasingly, thoughts of “I’m tired of waiting”, or “This may be the only (or last) man who will ever ask me to marry him”, may interfere with decision-making. You’ve no doubt sent up more than a few prayers for the speedy arrival of your husband, and we all know that God’s answers don’t necessarily arrive in exactly the manner we expect. So, let’s examine some possible problems.

SAVED…BUT?

The fellows we’ll be discussing are Believers. They’ve experienced Jesus’ work of salvation and may have stirring testimonies of their redemption. But being saved does not automatically mean that a man is problem-free. He may still be a work in progress, just as you yourself may be. Only you, under the guiding hand of Almighty God, can make the decision that this guy is worth your efforts. Only you can know if you are up to the tasks you will face as his wife, that you are willing to commit fully to him, and to deal with his issues as they arise.

The Addicted Man

Let’s start with a truly questionable choice. The addict is a person who has no control over his “Self”, but instead battles the urge to give in to an addiction. He’s like the unfortunate soul in Proverbs 25:28: “Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.” In other words, he has no boundaries to set limitations on his behavior. He is the man whose need for alcohol controls his day, even though he may manage to hold down a good job. He’s the one who secretly feeds a cocaine habit or is fighting a constant battle against the obsession to gamble. He may even be addicted to sex.

You may wonder if any rational woman would consider marriage to such a man, and the answer is yes, if he has confessed his belief in the Lord. Almost without exception, the addiction had its beginnings before Jesus Christ entered and transformed his life. His deliverance is likely part of his salvation experience, and either immediately or over time his bonds have been broken and he has walked away from the addicting behavior. In this cleaned up state, he could look like pretty good marriage material.

The troubles in this relationship will occur if the man backslides and his old habits regain their foothold.   Addictions can still wreak havoc in Christian lives because a person converted while under their influence must stay constantly vigilant to prevent Satan from seizing control of their actions again. Paul in Galatians 5:1 admonishes “It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.”

This can be a difficult fight because the devil is unlikely to give up on this particular battle. He’s already had a foot in the door, and if the man weakens, the old cravings can return. The resultant struggle to wage spiritual and physical warfare to defeat the enemy and regain lost ground will consume the household. Addictions have a way of decimating a marriage, stripping away money and possessions, and causing dissension and grief for both partners.

Surely your charming ex-alcoholic or ex-drug addict, could never succumb again to an addiction from which he has been successfully delivered. You may be right, and for your guy temptation might never become an issue, but denial of the possibility does not eliminate it. Don’t rush into marriage. If you proceed with prayerful caution, and if after sufficient time, he has remained strong in his spiritual life and completely addiction-free, then marriage might be a possibility. Only God Himself can give you an unequivocal go-ahead.

There are several more guys in the Saved-But category, and we’ll continue next week…Joy and Shalom!

Jo Lynne Pool