Single & Married Ladies – Friends Rock!

Hi Ladies,

An excellent activity that you can set your hand to, with God’s complete approval, during your pre-spousal days is the development of friendships. As you pursue the interests and abilities God has given you, new people will be drawn to you. By following His leading and expanding your territory, you’ll find individuals entering, exiting, and interacting with you in all sorts of ways. If you take time to get to know them, these people can enrich your life, just as you’ll positively impact theirs.

God blesses us with friendships for our own benefit, and the Bible provides examples of relationships which illustrate how essential even Jesus himself deems friends to be. Consider for example, the bond between Ruth and Naomi in the book of Ruth, or David and Jonathan in 1 Samuel. In the New Testament, Christ values and spends time with His friends Mary, Martha and Lazarus. Paul and Silas’ friendship helped form the foundation upon which the Corinthian church was built. These are important illustrations of how vital the bonds of filial love truly are. The other two expressions of love, eros (physical) and agape (spiritual) are certainly special, but philia (brotherly) love is essential in facilitating the development of emotional intimacy in our daily living.

Proverbs 18:24 assures that “A man who has friends must himself be friendly…” So, don’t automatically rule out any of the people who come before you, especially those who are Believers, because they’re there for a reason, even if only for a season.

What Can Friendships Do for Me?

The empathy and sharing between good, godly friends mirrors the strong, joyful connection you should also experience with Holy Spirit. Nurturing friendships helps to build your capacity for intimacy. The exposure of your true self, your emotions and desires, successes and disappointments, and even secrets, all serve to build connections between you and close friends. And what you learn in sharing with friends is also what you need to share with God in your time spent with Him.

Sometimes this works in the opposite direction. People may be quite comfortable pouring out their hearts to Father but have not yet learned the comforts of doing so with a true friend. It is very easy for a single lady to become emotionally constricted if she has no intimate conversational outlet. God wants us to maintain a healthy balance with both personal and spiritual interactions in our lives. Sharing of your thoughts and feelings should not be restricted until you can do so with a husband. There should always be space in your life for the benefits of interpersonal conversations with a close girlfriend.

Proverbs 18:24 calls a good friend one “who sticks closer than a brother.” They can supply comfort, lend support, help rally sagging spirits, or provide much needed listening posts. And unlike some relatives, most godly friends will make an effort not to be judgmental or negative. Talking things out with them may help clarify your direction and provide insights into what you’re hearing from the Lord.

Practice Makes Perfect

Taking the initiative to build up friendships is also a constructive way to take action in the matrimonial arena. Your willingness to reveal yourself and to share with others, to be open and receptive enough to allow people into your life, is great practice for allowing a real friendship to form with the man God brings you. You’ll need to build true emotional intimacy with him prior to marriage.

The give and take required in any close friendship prepares you to listen, learn to compromise, and enjoy companionship with your mate. But leave room also for acquaintances and casual friends. They too can be part of God’s plan for your life. Keep them lifted in prayer but be careful to never let them sway you from His purpose. Proverbs 14:7 admonishes, “Go from the presence of a foolish man when you do not perceive in him the lips of knowledge.” And Amos 3:3 questions “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Use godly wisdom, and Holy Spirit as your guide.

Another action step next week…Joy and Shalom!

Jo Lynne Pool