Hi Ladies,
If you’ve met a man you’re praying about as your future mate, stop and take a close look at him. What is his response to you and your special needs as a woman? This doesn’t include your whims, fleeting desires, or fantasies. Sure, it might be nice if he were tall, smart, and handsome; could buy you a big house; or gratify your urge to “shop until you drop.” However, these pleasant attributes aren’t enough to make you happy with him long term because they don’t reflect your true needs.
Before you recklessly decide that you have fallen in love with a fellow “regardless”, prayerfully evaluate how he reacts to you. Take off the rose-colored glasses and honestly consider what you mean to him. Proverbs 19: 14 says that “Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.” Will he value and honor you as a wife? Does he even want one? Will he exalt you as his treasure or feel you are merely a trespass on his freedom? Whenever you hint at any sort of commitment, does he swing into a standard song of “Don’t fence me in”, tell you how much he values his space, or go off on a tirade about his ex-wife?
Consider his male friendships. Does he have any? If not, why not? And, you must realize that if he’s a chronic loner he may be prone to jealousy if you’re the gregarious sort. If he does have friends, who are they? Are they committed Christian men or buddies from his former days before he was saved? Where do you fit in? is it true that if you didn’t shower him with calls or texts, you wouldn’t hear from him? Then there’s a problem. Or are his friends all females? This could be a problem of a different sort.
Bottom-line, if your potential mate does not want and desire you, to the exclusion of almost anything else, he does not love you enough to begin a marital relationship. You should be the sun that lights up his world. If you’re loved in excess at the outset, you’ll be loved enough as the years go by. Intensity of emotion normally diminishes over time, and excess love simmers down to just enough as you grow accustomed to each other. True love will deepen as your shared life experiences grow, but don’t succumb to wishful thinking, and try to wait and hope a nonexistent attachment into existence.
Evaluate your true position with the fellow you desire. Women can develop emotional attachments to a man based upon as little as his friendly conversation. They’re dismayed when such friendships go nowhere, because to the man, that is all they are. He may enjoy her company and like that they can talk and share, or appreciate being able to draw upon a feminine perspective. He may even be flattered by having a woman who cares for him– it’s a great ego booster, but isn’t enough to make him commit to marriage.
There is another essential element that must first be present in men for a relationship to begin…true physical attraction, which is not simply about sex or lust, but means being drawn to the actual physical presence of another person. It is this attraction that makes you special and different in his eyes from all other women.
Usually it won’t take a man forever to realize when that special attraction is there –some Christian psychologists believe that if a man hasn’t decided to marry you after six months, he probably won’t. For the marriage-minded lady, an effective approach is not to seek out a man you’re attracted to and try to attract him to you, but rather, to choose your husband from among those special men to whom you are a treasure, a unique gift from God. No matter how infatuated you may be, stay cool and calm in the early stages of a dating relationship, and let him, if he is so inclined, fall head over heels for you. That’s a foundation you can build upon.
Until next week…Joy and Shalom!
jo lynne pool - Love in The Book.org 