DO WHAT I SAY!

Hi Ladies,

Now, let’s move on to another fellow in the SAVED – BUT category. Yes, he’s a Believer, but also yes, he is far from perfect. This picture is of flowers that are actually succulents, a form of cactus… they’re beautiful, as long as you know what to expect.  This is analogous to the man we’re going to discuss!

 

THE CONTROLLING MAN

His is a problematic trait that can be difficult to detect in the early stages of a relationship.  This guy may seem to have many admirable attributes, and his attempts to control her may not seem so bad to a smitten woman.  As Christians, we women expect and respect a man’s ability to be in control, while he himself operates under the control of God.  I Corinthians 11: 2 notes “But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”  The problem here is not the concept itself, but is one of degree.

In Our Father’s ordained order, the husband has responsibility for his family, and God initially gives or confirms His directions to them through him. However, the man with a controlling nature lacks discernment.  Instead of evaluating the reality and the capabilities of those under his charge, he fears their independence, and believes in managing every aspect of their lives.

Rather than a partnership, this man is into ownership. He has a confused picture of the role of authority, and often expects that these “weaker” family members are ordained to serve him.  He is completely oblivious to the fact that headship brings responsibility for him to meet his family’s needs…their true needs, not the ones he’d decided they should want.

As time passes, trouble will brew, for as Proverbs 29: 18 admonishes, “Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint.”  His family, especially the children as they grow older, will engender and encounter much strife as they attempt to escape from his constraints.

In reality, the controlling man’s hold on authority is tenuous, and he knows it. He may honestly believe that he knows best, but the failure of others to adhere to his rule can make him feel threatened and insistent.  Inside he fears that he’s not truly equipped to handle the responsibilities that God has entrusted to him, and as a consequence he overcompensates.  His control issues will manifest in various ways to his wife and family.

Perhaps he attempts to control them by giving or withholding love. Or like the abusive man, he may resort to anger or physical violence, but his actions will tend to be more deliberate than the impulsively violent man.  He is a disciplinarian ‘from the old school’ who tolerates no backtalk, or even discussion from anyone under his command.

If he’s chosen a young wife, he’ll be a dictator, the husband who doesn’t want her to complete her education or develop a career.   If he’s selected an accomplished lady, she is likely to lack self-esteem in the area of relationships.  She’ll be willing to put up with his controlling personality as a means of ensuring his love.  He will then launch a campaign to alter her with constant complaining, or criticism.

Most often he will seek to control his wife’s activities, insisting on clocking her whereabouts or monitoring her friendships. A particularly ugly variation of this urge to control is the man who, immediately after the wedding, displays an unexpected antipathy toward his new wife’s friends, parents, children, relatives, cat, or dog.  Before the marriage he was the essence of caring and concern for them all, but now he executes an about-face.

The man with an ingrained controlling mindset can’t be changed by his wife because his attitude is a part of his personality, until The LORD alters it. A wise lady will be careful to enter into a relationship with this fellow only while wide awake and fully aware!  We’ll discuss more of his thought processes and how The LORD can change them on the blog next week.

Joy and Shalom!