Hi Ladies,
Let’s continue studying the “rocky path” of dealing with The Angry Man and his flip side, The Abusive Man. The LORD abhors the character trait of wrath, and it is one of the major sins that Galatians 5: 19-21 outlines as the “works of the flesh”. We ladies disregard the Bible’s warnings at our own peril. Here are just a few Scripture verses to consider…
Ecclesiastes 7: 9 – “For anger rests in the bosom of fools.” Proverbs 29: 22 – “An angry man stirs up strife, and a furious man abounds in transgression.” Colossians 3: 8 – “But now you must also put off all these: anger, wrath, malice…” Proverbs 14: 17 – “He who is quick-tempered acts foolishly…” Job 5: 2 – “For wrath kills a foolish man…” James 1: 19, 20 – “Therefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
The guy who flares up with unusual vehemence, out of proportion to the offense, is giving a signal that he does not have full control of his temper. If we ignore early flashes of a man’s anger, the outbursts may escalate. Eventually surfacing will be heated arguments and verbal attacks that erupt over minor disagreements. When married, the potential abuser tolerates no dissension from his wife. He views differing opinions as threatening to his shaky authority, especially when she is insistent on retaining her own ideas.
Abusive relationships vary in their degree. Not all feature classic “battered wife syndrome”, those women who chronically cover bruises, or whose lives are under constant threat from violent mates. Instead, the Believing man who struggles with an abusive nature may try hard to curb his actions, and acting out may occur only rarely. However a woman involved with a man with anger issues must realize that a love for God doesn’t automatically imply that he has gained mastery over his wrath, and she may one day become his target.
The man who is capable of striking a woman or verbally lashing out to “put her in her place” usually has an emotional or self-esteem issue that will permit him to justify his behavior. Afterward, he may apologize profusely, giving a surface display of contrition. But underneath he feels defensive and unrepentant, rationalizing that “She made me do it”, and you can rest assured that ‘she’ will make him do it again. The threat of violence will be ever-present in their relationship.
Listen carefully to what a man tells you …God may be revealing problems ahead. Has your fellow ever jokingly mentioned hitting you, or raised his fist in anger, then immediately caught himself? If he displays aggression during courtship, marriage will not change him.
The woman caught in an abusive relationship is confronting a bipolar man, who James 1: 8 describes “is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways“. His power over her rests on a contradiction – the angry, irrational, violent bully must be balanced by the tender, understanding, loving guy in order to hold her in the relationship. When the kind, caring fellow she loves dissolves into the angry beast, she may blame herself, and will try hard to make her beloved companion reappear. The knowledge that the good man, the one she loves, is still within the monster makes her stay.
Of course God can change this man if he submits and follows the Ephesians 5: 25 directive: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it.” But a prospective wife must understand his struggle. Though he is a Believer, his inability to effectively respond to provocation or to his own angry emotions may present a serious obstacle to forming an enduring relationship. As with every decision in your life, you must enter into the marriage covenant with him only with your eyes open wide, and with Our Father leading every step of the way.
Next week, we’ll consider Guy #2 in our SAVED – BUTs. Until then…Joy and Shalom!
jo lynne pool - Love in The Book.org 